We’re having a…!!

The gender reveal is here!  I have the most precious video of the entire experience for us but of course it won’t upload correctly from our camcorder.  I was only able to upload the actual gender reveal.  So I will try my best to describe one of the most incredible experiences of our lives.

We arrived to meet Gwenna (sonographer) at 3pm on Friday.  We asked her not to tell us the gender but write in down and place it inside the envelope we had.  After 15 minutes of seeing our little bean on the screen and hearing that wonderful heartbeat, it was time to go!  Our next stop was Baby Gap!

We arrived to baby gap and picked out a pair of boy and girl shoes.  I headed up to the cashier and explained to her that we do not know the gender but that it is inside this envelope.  I then asked her to take a look inside once we walked away and only wrap up the pair of shoes that goes with the envelope!  I handed her a twenty and asked that the receipt, change, envelope, and of course shoes be placed inside the bag and heavily concealed so we couldn’t see anything!  She was awesome and after taking care of everything met us at the front door with a perfect little baby gap bag stuffed with tissue paper. 

We then headed over to McCormick and Schmicks for dinner.  Yummy!  Once our drinks and orders were placed we decided it was time!  Ryan recorded while I anxiously opened the baby gap bag.  The most precious, adorable, baby
BOY shoes were revealed!  Just a little background before you watch the video… Ryan likes to record… I mean he doesn’t know when to turn it off.  I eventually had to tell him, please turn it off after many attempts of saying, “Ok.”  All I wanted to do was come across the table and hug my husband!
Here is the link for the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uM0b1pDzIqA

We were so excited and Ryan just kept saying, “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it!”  However, after the dust settled… I was hit with a flood of emotions. 

I will be completely honest, I really wanted a girl.  In fact, once the dust settled, I couldn’t stop crying at dinner.  I told Ryan, “I’m so excited to know we’re having a boy, but I’m really disappointed we’re not having a girl.”  It was all of these emotions hitting me at once; joy, excitement, disappointment, sadness.  On a normal, non pregnant day, I may have been able to work through everything very quickly.  However, with these pregnancy hormones, I didn’t know how to sort through everything.  I felt so incredibly guilty for even thinking or feeling this way.  I have a healthy baby boy inside of me that I already love and will love unconditionally for the rest of my life.  Still, all I could do was cry.  Ryan was so amazing, he just said, “Babe, it’s okay.  You’re allowed to feel this way.”  I just kept thinking, “I’m a horrible person.  A horrible mother.”

Saturday came and I was feeling a little bit better about everything.  I was jamming to Whitney Houston all morning long getting ready to head to Old Navy to look at some cute boy clothes.  Old Navy… you need to address the lack of baby boy items in your stores.  Of course the baby girl items are right beside the boy section and there is 10x’s the amount of baby girl clothing.  So that didn’t help.  Ryan the entire day kept asking me, “Are you feeling better about everything yet?” and kept telling me all the good things about having a boy.  I finally snapped at him and said, “Don’t ask me one more time about how I’m feeling or tell me all the benefits that having a boy brings.  I don’t even want to acknowledge how I’m feeling right now.  I just need time to process everything.”  I must have prayed no less than 50x’s that day.  I just kept asking God to change my heart and make these feelings of sadness go away over something I never had. 

For the past 10 years I have been planning my family.  Thought of what they would look like, how many kids we would have, etc.  In my fantasy, there was always a boy, he just wasn’t first.  I am the oldest in my family followed by two sisters and one brother.  I LOVE our family dynamic.  I wanted that for my family too.  A really good friend, who I confided my feelings to said this to me, “You will soon forget what you thought it would be, and only know what it is.”  That is exactly what I needed to hear. 

I can honestly say that today, I am so excited we are having a little boy.  I just needed time to process everything and the reality of what IS going to be our family.  I feel so incredibly blessed that God has given us this precious miracle.  Now having gone through this process, I will never again find out what we are having.  Ladies, those of you who told me to wait, you were right.  I don’t ever want to feel how I did a few days ago and it’s not possible to have that disappointment when you’re holding your baby for the first time.  So, this will be the only time we ever find out what we’re having until the baby makes his/her grand entrance!  However, now it’s time for all the nursery planning to begin! 

Have a great day everyone!
~Leah~

7 thoughts on “We’re having a…!!

  1. Leah,
    Well had you given this any real thought maybe you should have been ready for the boy reveal. Rachel and Amanda both had boys 1st, but your mom and sisters all had girls 1st. It must skip a generation. Oh well congrads to you all. Can’t wait to hear the names you come up with.

  2. Leah,
    I am so very excited for you and your new family! I wanted to share my little experience. As you might remember I now have 5 children. A girl first, 3 boys and then another girl. Dan and I always waited until the birth to know what we were having. When we delivered our 3rd child and it was another boy, I had the same feelings you did when finding out! Only thing was, he was here and in my arms. I still had an issue with it. Boy was I mad at myself for those feelings, but like your husband said, you are allowed to feel this way! At first I felt upset but as you hold that precious baby, all that will go away. My son Carl is now 17 and I have a special bond with him and am so thankful every day. I imagine that with all the love you are surrounded by, your little boy will be one of the best babies around! I can’t wait til he is here, you will be a great mommy for him! Best of luck to you and Ryan and thanks for sharing one of the most precious times in your life, Maria

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