Body Blues

When we were being discharged from the hospital the nurse made sure to let me know it was perfectly normal to have moments of sadness and even the random cry that comes out of nowhere.  In addition, she also went over signs for postpartum depression and made sure Ryan knew how to spot them too.  After we were discharged I felt great for the next few days.  So in love with my husband and baby.  Life was great.  Once Sam hit a week old the waterworks started flowing and they truly came out of nowhere.  I knew it wasn’t postpartum depression because my reasons for being weepy and sad weren’t about the baby at all.  They were about my recovery and learning to accept things I have zero control over. 

My body was always something I could whip into shape and could turn it around whenever I wanted to.  This is just not the case right now and I had to face the fact that my body will never look like it use to.  I also felt incredibly selfish for feeling this way which made my sadness worse.  How could you possibly be sad for yourself when you have this beautiful, healthy baby?  Because I’m still a woman, I’m still Leah, but I just don’t recognize her in the mirror.

I worried that Ryan wouldn’t find me attractive anymore due to the abundance of stretch marks that now grace my stomach.  I remember when I was pregnant talking to my best friend, crying hysterically and saying, “It’s so hard to just watch your body being slowly demolished.  It’s really hard.” 

My stomach was so tender for the first couple weeks.  All of my nerves were starting to put themselves back together which made it uncomfortable for even my shirt to brush my stomach.  Luckily, the belly band helped with that.  I wore the band around everyday and I really do feel it helped my stomach shrink faster than if I wouldn’t have worn it.  Like I said in a previous post, it also helped with my back pain.  At 4 weeks postpartum, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I was only 5lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight!  {Thank you breast feeding!} 

At 8 weeks postpartum, I’m now 5lbs below my pre pregnancy weight.  I am in no way dieting.  Like seriously, ice cream is part of my daily routine.  Sam and I do go on walks a couple times a week and having my mom around for the first couple weeks helped with making sure that not only was I eating but eating healthy.  I believe breast feeding has a lot to do with the weight loss too.  Just one of the major benefits and I am SO glad I stuck with breast feeding.  I still have a lot of work to do with toning and getting my abs back in order but I’m excited to see myself back into regular clothes and go shopping again! 

So, to get back into the swing of things Ryan and I have signed ourselves up for a couple 5k’s by the end of the year.  I went running for the first time the other day and it felt amazing!!  I think it’s important to have a game plan to get the weight off.  You can’t just expect your body to bounce back 100% without having to put some effort forth.  My sisters and I made a pact with each other that we are allowed 6 months after having a baby to get it together.  If by the end of the 6 months our hair has 2 inch roots, sweatpants are worn out more than just the grocery store run and we’re still in our maternity clothes… it’s time for an intervention.  Some may think we are totally vain but it’s about our mental health!  Think what you will, but ladies, how powerful and amazing do you feel when you wear that new outfit or after you leave the salon with a new do?  My sisters and I are not allowing each other to stay in mommy-ville 24/7. 

I will continue to post updates on my progress!  Have a great day everyone!

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